365 Poems – 156 Anorexic Girl Decides To Die (Rough First Draft)

Anorexic Girl Decides To Die

 

You’ve reached a decision.

I watch your heart come

closer to the surface of your skin.

 

You’ve risen into the trap.

There’s no hope of you

ever coming back, because

everything about yourself

has been stripped and picked clean.  

 

I still want to decipher your

extraction from compassion,

understand your actions,

why the furnishings of your

mind have warped so entirely.

 

Devotion was declared long

before the end was in sight.

You tell me this as if

it’s a justification for you

leaving me as an only child.

 

You are delirious, fragile.

You need substance, mad,

hard, tough love. But your roots

have been exposed.

 

Before this room, you asked

if I would sketch the end,

as if you would be able

to see it, after you’d fallen

asleep for the last time.

 

I am the target of your hostility

and there is an inevitable, final

disconnection between the two of us.  

 

All because of your dedication

to isolating your bones and

detaining your heart.

 

It’s almost as if you have a

determination that everyone

else must be damaged too.

 

This room will never be devoid

of your worship. You order conflict

between us like you would order a tea.

 

Your self-destruction and its

controversy is a lengthy story.

I could put together a book with

a glossary and index, of all

the times we were at odds, all

the times I called upon the gods for you.

 

You will never fully understand

my distress, my solemn self-consciousness.

 

You and I are both but water

logged ruins of human beings.

 

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