365 Poems – 123 Something Strong (Rough First Draft)

Something Strong

I need something strong to hold,

like the backbone of a bear,

or the rib of a blue whale.


I have to cup the candle flame

in my heart to prevent it

from going out.


I’m deeply afraid some days,

just tired on others.


My face is becoming like a light

slowly dimming.


Thoughts that used to bring pleasure,

bring only pain and waves

of dark frustration.


A lot of the time, my heartbeat

feels too fast.

Doctors call this real life


I won’t be seeing you,

or anyone else for a while.

I’m going away,

I’m not sure where.


Though it might be another

of ‘those’ occasions, where I feel

like an Antarctic explorer,

but have a quick, devastating

change of heart.


I stay in bed longer than is normal

to try and reduce

the chaos in my head.

It hurts.


There is nowhere to get away to

in this town. Even the house

has started to play mind games


The vision of my bedroom

follows me to the cinema,

and makes me leave

before the adverts have finished.


It makes radical promises

that things will be better

when I close the door,

and shut off the light.


I have come to accept

that life does not

consist of straight lines.

It’s not mapped.

There isn’t a postcode for it.

There is no continual harmony.


But I’m not a misprint.

I’m a survivor, with her foot stuck,

waiting for the spring melt.