365 Poems/31 – Temporary Lapse (Very Rough First Draft)

Temporary Lapse

My mother has to help me

fill out housing benefit forms,

because recently I’ve had this

tendency to forget about everyday,

compulsory things that don’t interest me.

 

Since encountering so much death

this year, everything else has become

secondary to creativity.

 

From the fabric of my life, I’ve picked

out formalities like weak fleas.

I’ve shut them all away in deep drawers

for a time when I’m not busy writing

or thinking about writing.

 

I have to be bargained with to go

to the family home, for dinner, to talk,

to watch a couple of hours of crap telly.

 

It’s not me putting up this unnatural resistance,

it’s this unavoidable chemical imbalance in my brain.

But, my meds do need reviewing, and my bloods

do need checking and I ought to be taking

those iron supplements and accepting invitations

to duck out of my cave.

 

But I’m continuously scared that I’ll smack my head

on the way out, that my personal life balance

will tip, crack and never right itself again.

 

It always seems safer to stay on the inner

side of the door, where I can keep candles burning

and the kettle switched on at the wall.

 

 

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