The Divide

Today was one of those grey days where I just felt groggy, weak and like I wanted to lie in bed all day with a good book and drink endless cups of tea. It was brightened for an hour or so, when I met a friend I haven’t seen for donkey’s year, who is currently working in mental health. Masses of respect to him. Anyway, I started working on my novel in the afternoon, and felt that after repeating myself about four times that I ought to have a power nap. But that power nap turned into an epic slumber. I’m lucky I woke up in time to have some fork mashed potato and a couple of burnt veggie burgers and make a run for the train station in order to get to Boro in time for another rehearsed reading of Zeno’s Paradox.

It’s been nearly three weeks that I haven’t seen Tom (due to busyness) and it’s steadily pulling me down into this dank puddle of grief. Melodramatic you think? Well sod you! It’s exactly like that, OK! I miss the bugger. A lot. You know that dull ache you get when you really miss someone and miss the little things like having a cup of tea with them in bed or waking up ridiculously late or having a petty argument over whose turn it is to put the kettle on next.

I’ve been reading more of ‘It’s Not Grim Up North’ and heck, its fucking hilarious. Here are a few bits for you:

You know you are in the North when…

  • You have more than one hot water bottle in the kitchen
  • You can park your car outside your house
  • You go home for tea before a night out on the town
  • You are comfortable in just a t-shirt in the snow
  • You start to notice the hills are a decent hight
  • People talk to you straight and don’t use stupid phrases like ‘forgive me…’ when they’re about to insult you
  • You can find breathtaking scenery without having to get in the car for two hours

You know you are in the South when…

  • You blow your nose and find black snot on your hanky
  • You discover there are more life coaches of feng shui experts in the phone book than plumbers
  • Bus shelters are built in mock-Tudor style
  • People’s wheelie bins have a leafy camouflage cover
  • You realise the place is full of hideous children in silly uniforms and straw boaters, and parents who send their children away to school
  • You find that everything costs about three times as much as it should do

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