Try to Escape – New Poem

Try to escape

 

Come back, please, I love you.

Climb out of your box,

abandon that cruel guardian,

stop being that parched ghost on the stairs.

 

This misery is supposed to be on TV,

not here, where I can touch it,

slam doors on it, smash teapots and

plates in its direction.

 

I have been on auto pilot,

since that first time,

I couldn’t feel you in bed,

when you vanished like

a sun beam dappled with dust.

 

This is hellish

and I wish,

you’d try your best.

 

I don’t look at your eyes anymore.

Gone are the exotic flowers.

I need to look at photos to remember

exactly what colour they were

before you became this hardly there stream of light,

obsessed with bones, cold and

a humdrum life, living every day

Exactly the same.

 

I want to cradle you,

make the frozen cloud of your breath

disappear.

 

You are just sitting,

covered in black,

twitching like a honey hunter.

 

I’m fed up of collecting ice for your water,

sitting at the back of the pub

so no one can see you are sipping on soda.

 

I was so emotional the other day,

I wept over sheep killed on the moor road.

 

Can we invent ourselves again?

Can we love from the beginning?

I want to make a journey of discovery with you,

I want to be your Captain Cook.

Fuck the weekly Tesco trip, you with your basket

and printed off list.

I have to go down a different aisle to you all the time,

So I don’t have to see you checking calories

or picking pears with gloves on – just in case.

 

Some nights,

when I know you’re not dead,

I go into the garage and mould you

out of clay. I stroke thighs I used to know,

the neck I used to kiss, the stomach I used to love.

I go at it like it’s all night surgery.

 

I walk, sometimes,

when people are changing billboard pictures.

 

I get back into bed, sometimes smeared with clay.

You have fits where you think it’s chocolate

and you make yourself sick.

 

Let me into your world, please,

let me be your king, kill the wolf, scavenging for bones.

I will huddle behind a tree, waiting for the right time

to kill it and bring you home.

 

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